I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She announced her abortion via fbk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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