Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
