You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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