There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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