So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
