whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
