He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
