Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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