If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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