aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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