I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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