I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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