I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He passed out mid-signature
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
