even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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