Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize