It was confusing and full of hummus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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