Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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