That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
