just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
