sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
