their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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