I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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