drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
