Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
