Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
