Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
