No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
