It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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