I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
