My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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