I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
