Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
