Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
how does that bad decision feel?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
