I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
