I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
