I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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