Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
