Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
