the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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