I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
