He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
