i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
