I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
