He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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