Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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