im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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