I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
People in love make me want to vomit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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