Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
