hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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