He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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