she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
