Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
