Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
