Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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