Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
