I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
