decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
