Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
