Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize