My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
