She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
