Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
