Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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