I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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