i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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